I received this email this morning:
"Jennifer,
I understand the spirit and the idea behind the "freedom from self improvement" day/week, and I applaud the focus on self-acceptance. What I find a bit curious is this tag line at the top of your e-mails: "Because if self-improvement worked, we'd all be self-levitating, multi-lingual, size-zero billionaires by now."
Isn't your purpose self-improvement -- isn't that the whole focus of your books, newsletters, Web site, etc.? Don't you offer advice, encouragement, resources that are all focused on self-improvement? Don't you profit to some degree financially from getting others to focus on their own self-improvement? Isn't there something a bit conflicted, then, about promoting an entire movement that says self-improvement doesn't work???
Believe me, I completely understand you are not the only person or entity that essentially profits from focusing on self-improvement yet truly benefits when those efforts fail. Weight Watchers, to me, is a great example of that. The amount of money spent even here in my local area, week after week, weigh-in after weigh-in, is astounding. I'm atypical when it comes to Weight Watchers, though -- I made my goal weight, I've maintained my weight, I no longer go to meetings, so they no longer receive my money. The funny thing is I didn't learn a damn thing from them about maintaining weight loss or how to be the "new" me -- because not one bit of their focus in the year and a half I went to meetings was on self-improvement at all. It was about what to do to lose weight -- hey, buy this 10-week plan for only $100! Look at all these ways you can have sweets and still stay within your points range! -- not what to do once you accomplish that goal. Because few do, at least in my Illinois location. Here Weight Watchers is, plain and simple, a money-making venture. And I'm not saying that's what you're doing. But are you really wanting people to learn and improve themselves -- especially while touting that self-improvement doesn't work? Or do you just want to sell books and retreats?
Maybe I'm just too cynical. Maybe everyone really knows self-improvement doesn't work and they want someone to tell them that's okay and find others to simply commiserate with, so you're actually filling a valuable role. But I did want to share my thoughts."
I totally understand your point of view and I'll bet other readers share your concerns so thanks for taking the time to write.
I searched my heart before launching Freedom From for just that reason - would it appear cynical? What was /is my true desire?
My ego's desire was/is, "I hope they think I'm cool and hip for thinking of this idea, and while they're at it, I hope they read my books and think they are cool and hip too!"
My ego wants attention, of course, and it always will. It's over here preening right now. "They're talking about me!"
My heart said/says "I want people to experience how truly okay they are right now. To touch into that peace that passes understanding. To rest. Really rest. To drink in that simple peace."
My mind (with the help of my hands) searched through my books to see how much self-improvement there is in the six buggers. I found very, very little. I found nothing written or implied that says, "Do this and you will finally be better / good enough."
The message of my heart has perhaps have prevailed over my ego, at least in most of my writing. My books are written in the spirit of "You are okay and you can try this or this if it appeals to you but not because you need to or because it's THE answer or because then you will be good enough but because you are hurting or curious or hungry for connection with yourself or someone else..." My retreats certainly are in the same vein--even more explicitly as I grow into this awareness myself.
What your email calls into question for me is, "What is the distinction between self-development and self-improvement?"
and
"Does self-improvement work?"
For me, the crucial distinction is mood, the mood you undertake change or learning in, the intention you hold. For example:
I can go to Weight Watchers out of a desire to love myself more through healthy food choices or to learn more about healthy food choices or to get support for making them, knowing my brain works better (frontal lobes are stimulated and oxytocin secreted in groups of women who trust each other) doing this work in the company of others
or
I can go to Weight Watchers in an effort to do something that will make me worth loving or to find THE ANSWER that will finally make everything okay
When I do that, I'm screwed.
I might still lose weight (especially if I'm good at will power and self-control) but it won't stay off because there is no deeper foundation of self-acceptance. Eventually, my iron will power will collapse when life gets crazy and that energy has to go elsewhere to hold something else or someone else together.
Or let's say my goal is to be closer to Source. I can do even this in a mood of "If I do this just right, then I will be lovable" but then whatever changes are wrought in me will remain a veneer on top of my heart. And veneers pop off. I have veneers on my front teeth, which were badly damaged when I was a kid, and one popped off on Christmas day, instantly transforming me into an excellent pirate.
Thoughts? I invite your push back, your comments, "you're a big fat liar because..." thoughts - This is such an important conversation to be engaged in!
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